a week Wednesday, Jun 24 2009 

well it’s been a long week, I haven’t posted as we have had family visiting so we have been pretty busy. Ahmed did really well most of the week behavior wise.. one exception though.. his brother decided to pick him up and he doesn’t like to be touched so it set him off in a horrible meltdown.. it lasted about 20 minutes and I got him to sleep. he has been wetting the bed again this week and pooped his pants 4 times.. maybe because we are out of routine with the family here.. but all in all it could have been worse. going to attempt to update as much as possible- thanks for reading.

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Wishes Friday, Jun 12 2009 

I’m gonna make this one about wishes…

I wish my son didn’t have to have meltdowns over the smallest things like blowing bubbles.. it’s not that he can’t blow them.. it’s that he runs out of bubbles and doesn’t understand that things come to an end.. then the meltdown starts. there is NO in between with Ahmed. it’s either “broke” or “fixed” or” ALL OUT”. I can not explain to him in any manner that he can understand that there is a “later” or “we can get more” or “go another day” it is what it is.. it’s what’s right HERE and right NOW.. we are working on it though, maybe his brain will mature over the summer. he was very hyper today, not too many meltdowns..

he made something out of styrofoam pieces he tore up and placed them all in a pattern on the sofa and said “I Made Balloon” it was cute, I made sure I got a picture of that one.

 Over the last couple days we have been swimming at the swim club alot and Ahmed has learned how to jump into the water from the side of the pool (with floaties on of course) and we met a young man 21 years old there who is severely autistic.. he speaks well.. socially withdrawn though.. he was with his PCA. I was happy to see him there and hopefully we can get to know him better….

A different topic Sunday, Jun 7 2009 

Today  I just want to express my feelings, as occasionally I feel like I may explode. Everyday I see  and hear so much ugliness and hatefulness it is almost impossible to escape it.  yes, I am guilty of bad mouthing others as well.. most times in my case it’s anger or frustration on my part, and I may open my mouth before thinking and for this I apologize.. maybe we are all guilty of this.  I want to set a positive example for my children as we all do.

 How do you stay positive when you live in a place such as I do? now, I don’t live in the slums, although I have been very close to it several times.. I’m talking about living in a town that has been 100% destroyed by a Hurricane, and have come back to it, breaking our backs and busting our own knuckles in pain daily to rebuild, putting our faith in our local and state government to do the right things for us as citizens.. all to discover that we are basically on our own. the amount of Greed here is astounding..

It amazes me what lengths a human being will go to to destroy another. yesterday I sat outside a courtroom from 9:30-4 pm called as a potential witness as it was just by chance..I sat with people who work directly for our parish government.. I listen to what they say.. astonished by some of it, not surprised by the rest. I witnessed not one but 2 people have a emotional breakdown over an ordeal that may or may not cost them their jobs.. things they have no control over. before I left the courtroom, I hear the judge mention that he is friends with both sides and it would be hard for him to render a decision on the case.. but it went forward anyways.. with no ruling in the end.  what the hell is the point? all of this is over a Hospital, which we desperately need.. but it looks like we will have a super-walmart before the hospital. Im going to give thanks for the Dr’s that we do have here now, especially mine- Dr. Bertucci .. I remember back to those first weeks and months after Katrina, and we had nothing.. not even a porta potty and I am so thankful for what we do have now. The hurricane brought many opporotunities and many unfortunate incidents..How do we hold it all together?  just some ramblings of mine..

but on a lighter note, the kids had fun today.. we went to the swim club again.. Ahmed freaked out a couple times, but the last one was the one that made us leave.. he has a limit, even when he is having fun.. he is sleeping peacefully now since 9 p.m. and I can go to sleep now also. goodnight everyone.

ugh.. my back Wednesday, Jun 3 2009 

well, it’s 3:35 a.m here. and I am yet again awake with severe back pain.. I’ve  been up for an hour now..gonna take another hot shower and probably a sleep aid.. maybe it will knock me back out again…I’m not sure what’s wrong with me.. I’m tense, sore, I feel like a stiff board and on fire at the same time.. how do explain pain? and just plain aggravated.

an update on Ahmed.. we took him to eat with us at the mexican restuarant here in town.. he did pretty good about staying in his seat compared to most days.. he was loud of course and gagged on his food a couple times but it went pretty good so we took both the boys for ice cream afterwards… Ahmed likes Dots…

aggravation Tuesday, May 26 2009 

I find myself at the check out line at walmart with my 4 1/2 y/o Autistic son thinking “I made it today” wrong! I thought too soon- the meltdown started.. why can’t we go anywhere for more than 10 minutes? it has always been this way, don’t get me wrong I should be used to it. but then my panic sets in, i’m trying to reason with him (which I cannot) and somehow get thru the check out line while everyone is staring at us (or at me rather) like I can do ANYTHING to make it stop! I cannot!! screaming, kicking, rolling on the floor, spitting and he is focused on one thing – chicken nuggets, but not any chicken nuggets.. the ones from McDonalds.. there’s a McDonalds in walmart, but we just had some 15 minutes before we got to walmart.. so there we go.. me dragging him by his arm, then picking him up still screaming bloody murder, everyone looking still… we make it outside to the car..I try to calm him with the dvd player and a movie but I can’t and it only makes things worse.. I realized a long time ago that even responding to his screaming demands makes it worse.. now while driving he will kick my seat, spit at me and scream for me to “drive that way” (the way he wants to go) we stopped taking him to stores for a long time due to jumping out of the buggy (yes he was belted down) and splitting his lip needing stitches.. even the ER doc was amazed that all the meds they gave him to calm him down for the stitches didn’t work, we ended up strapping him to the papoose board and it took me, my husband, the nurse and the Dr to hold him still for that, and he was 2 then… the older he gets, and the less and less fear he has of his surroundings worries me.. I’ve used every device made I think.. the harness, and the teddy bear alarm (which worked great for a whole day) It’s summertime now.. he is out of his routine.. he’s upset that he is not going to school every morning.. getting him to eat different foods is a challenge too.. the potty-training is going backwards yet again! I feel like banging my head on the wall most days but I am determined to get him to be a functional part of society. well, next time you are in the store and you see someone with a kid having a tremendous meltdown, please don’t just assume he is bad or spoiled.. it could be something else.. my son cannot calm himself down and has on occasion vomited from so much screaming and crying….. it’s only 2:15 in the afternoon, looks like we are going back outside to jump on the trampoline, he likes to jump….